Keeping Calm Amidst Holiday Chaos
For too many of us, the most wonderful time of the year doesn’t turn out quite so wonderfully. We begin each holiday season with hopes of joy, love, and peace on Earth; we end it burnt out and broke trying to keep up with a hectic schedule we didn’t even want in the first place. To make matters worse, narrowing down how we keep finding ourselves on this holiday hamster wheel from hell is easier said than done. So many variables can contribute to this distinctly seasonal lack of serenity, from the expected–like grueling travel schedules–to the deeply personal–such as unhappiness with one’s relationship status.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
This week, with Christmas just around the corner, we want to unpack each of the major causes of holiday hassles and in the process arm you with insights and strategies to actually enjoy this season the way you deserve. Keep your calm and navigate the chaos to reclaim your peace of mind this December and all the Decembers to come.
Let’s start by discussing the most tangible of seasonal stressors: money. Christmas cheer doesn’t come cheap, and a year of record inflation certainly didn’t set us up for a stress-free winter. Even when you have the best of intentions to spend wisely and make it to January financially intact, it’s all too easy to get sucked into other people’s plans and ideas of what your holiday should be like. Multiple shopping trips and unanticipated travel plans later, your New Year’s resolution switches from building up your savings to paying off a snow drift’s worth of credit card debt.
Avoid this situation from the beginning by being vocal with your loved ones about your limitations.
Financial boundaries are like any other; there’s no shame in drawing a firm line in the sand to protect yourself and your bank account.
But if you don’t communicate those boundaries, your friends and family can’t respect them no matter how much they might want to.
Once you’ve been clear about your financial capabilities, set and stick to a realistic budget. It sounds counterintuitive, but having concrete limitations for yourself–especially for presents–can encourage you to be more thoughtful in how you approach the season. Not always defaulting to the flashiest, priciest items can help you focus instead on presents that are more creative and personal.
Don’t overlook the power of tradition when it comes to fostering those warm and fuzzy holiday moments, either; it’s easy to forget the things that give this season its true meaning aren’t really presents (we know, cue the cheesy Christmas music). Not everything has to be a grand production. Sometimes all you need is to slip an ugly sweater on, bake some cookies, and sit down with a puzzle while your favorite movies play in the background. The perfect recipe for holiday peace of mind without crushing debt.
You may have your money firmly under control, but even the most financially astute among us can lose control over the other nonrenewable resource in our lives: time. This is the season where we run ourselves ragged in the name of carving out moments for everyone special to us, but all that running around tends to take the ‘quality’ out of ‘quality time.’
Don’t let people-pleasing tendencies hijack your holidays.
Ask yourself: does what I’m doing make sense? If your schedule doesn’t give you any time to breathe, the answer is probably not. Remember that regardless of how fraught with meaning and cultural, societal, and familial expectations this time of year can be, you decide for yourself how best to spend it. There are eleven other months in the year where you can make the effort to visit relatives and friends you care about; don’t try to fit your entire social circle into just one.
Speaking of familial expectations, we couldn’t write a post discussing Christmas stressors without touching on the impact of family dynamics on your holiday zen. Unless you’re a robot or Stepford wife, we’re sure you have a relative or two with whom you share a complicated relationship. Short of bringing a therapist to the next family gathering (honestly, an iconic if somewhat passive aggressive Christmas gift), we encourage you to mitigate the damage wherever possible. Limit your time around that person, even if it’s just by not dwelling in the same room as them, and remember that whatever interaction you do have with them will be temporary. This too, shall pass.
Of course, you might be the golden child beloved by all, but maybe you’re hosting the family Christmas dinner and two of your relatives are psychological fire and gasoline. In this case, a similar logic applies: don’t invite them to the same function if you can help it, and if you can’t, at least seat them as far apart from each other as humanly possible without bringing out an extra table. If one of them insists on acting childish, at least an extra table can turn into a kid’s table; nothing like a little holiday shaming to keep the Christmas spirit alive and well.
However, one form of shame we won’t abide by here at EWL is the never-ending fixation on other people’s relationship statuses that seems to permeate so many holiday events. If you have that nosy aunt or overly concerned grandmother who can’t stop worrying about the absence of a wedding ring on your finger, gently but firmly remind them no one needs a partner to lead a meaningful, even romantic, life. And if the voice in your head is the one sounding like a busybody relative, please remember that you don’t have to be in a relationship–or looking for one–to make this time of year special. Letting yourself pine for something that doesn’t (yet) exist is just another form of future tripping that prevents you from enjoying the present.
Reframe your mindset; the holidays are a social Olympics where your extrovert side can shine as you meet new people, or you can strive to deepen the connections you already have.
Focus on what brings you happiness and peace. This time is meant for you to enjoy whatever speaks to you, as long as you keep your expectations reasonable and define for yourself how you want your season to go. Don’t let comparison be the thief of your joy.
While we’re on the subject of comparisons robbing us of joy, here’s a little reminder we all need: close Instagram and put your phone down. Not only that, but please, just go enjoy your holiday desserts free from guilt. We know how easy it is to fall into negative language and thought patterns–”I’ll have to really work this pie off tomorrow,” or “wow, I wish I was as skinny as you!”–but we urge you to resist the temptation, for your own sake and the peace of mind of those around you. Talking down to yourself just for eating dessert is only punishing yourself twice over, and you never know when your innocuous comments might rub up against someone else’s complex relationship with their own body.
In the event that absolutely none of the above applies to you and you skate through December each year stress-free, we have a PSA just for you: be empathetic toward your fellow humans and cognizant of their struggles as we all just try to make it through the holidays with our sanity intact. If you’re one of the chosen ones who doesn’t grapple with any of the difficulties discussed in this post, remember that you’re firmly in the minority here. There’s a reason why an entire cottage industry of Christmas movies exists about dysfunctional families and holiday stresses. The greatest gift you can give to your friends and family having a hard time fighting their own battles is to be supportive and lend a sympathetic ear.
